Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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