She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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