shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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