yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
