Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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