the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize