thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
