Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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