i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
