this boner is exhausting
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
