Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
