hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
