worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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