The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
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test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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