I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
