First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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