I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
