I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
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