He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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