I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You have to summon your inner elephant
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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