I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
