There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
