I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
