UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
