Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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