shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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