he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
