I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
