Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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