my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
