Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
