It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
