threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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