Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
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