The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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