I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
If its not for food we ain't going out.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
