There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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