If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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