haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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