I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
