I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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