lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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