he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
