I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
