you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
