I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
