i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
