I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
