you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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