none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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