Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
