Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
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We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
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No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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