The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
