just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
