You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
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Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
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It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
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