so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
