i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
