I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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