I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
