His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
