I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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