Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
