There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
