You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
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Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
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you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
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