Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
