Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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