Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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