Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
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