GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
