but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
