In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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