Yo dont text me then not text me
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
