Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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