I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
