don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
