we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
