are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
