so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
