Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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