Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
there was a trapeze. enough said
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
