Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
