Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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